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This past week felt like a roller coaster. Ups, downs, side-tilts, sudden jolts. Some days I’m brimming with creativity, others I’m stuck staring at the wall. My workouts swing between three days of nothing and one all-out session that leaves me crawling up the subway stairs. The job search is steady - both a blessing and a curse. And somewhere between reworking my résumé, cleaning up after a two-year-old tornado, and dodging small talk with neighbors, I asked myself: is this it? Is this what midlife is supposed to feel like?
And just like my week, this essay might feel a little all over the place. A few sharp turns, some unexpected drops, maybe even a laugh or two. Chaotic, yes. But also an honest reflection of where I am right now.
Aging Is Expensive
What makes this midlife reckoning sharper is the nostalgia creeping in. Is it just me or is nostalgia having a moment right now? Everywhere I turn it’s all about the late ’90s and early 2000s. And once again, I’m asking myself: am I becoming my parents? When did I become the person who thinks the music and TV of my generation is far superior to what we get today?
September used to mean crisp air, new shows on primetime, the NFL, the quiet thrill of fresh routines. Now, September means daycare schedules and dentist bills.
Case in point: a frozen mini Snickers cracked my molar, sending me into dental purgatory. Root canal, crown, the works. Sitting in that chair earlier this week, I thought: I can’t afford to have teeth problems and be jobless. My twenties would’ve shrugged this off. My thirties had other plans.
That’s the thing about nostalgia - it makes the past feel effortless, and the present feel heavy. It’s not that I want to go back. It’s that I want to create something now that’s worth looking back on later.
What Pete and Cardi Have in Common
I’ve been pulling away from the usual churn of headlines and political hot-takes. Instead, I’m choosing voices I actually want to hear. Which is how I ended up with two very different downloads this week: Pete Buttigieg in an interview with Kara Swisher, and Cardi B on Call Her Daddy. Two wildly different downloads. Both worth the listen.
Pete was calm, clear, consistent. Cardi was messy, hilarious, and everywhere at once - literally pregnant and still inescapable. Different worlds, same through-line: authenticity.
Pete reminded me that preparation and poise have power. Cardi reminded me that raw and unfiltered can be just as magnetic. Together they asked me the same thing I’m asking myself: am I showing up as my real self, or just the version I think people want to see?
The Balance Beam Test
On Sunday, I was at my daughter’s gymnastics class. Parent participation is encouraged, so there I was, holding her tiny hand as she walked across the balance beam, wobbly but determined. I wasn’t guiding so much as spotting; ready to catch her if she fell.
It hit me: protecting her isn’t just about holding her hand. It’s about making sure I protect myself too. My energy. My health. My sanity. Because if I spiral, she feels it. If I burn out, she notices. The balance beam isn’t just hers. It’s mine. And midlife means learning how to walk it together.
My Midlife Playbook
Yes, I’m in the middle of a midlife reckoning. Yes, some days feel all over the place. But in the middle of the chaos, I’m reminding myself: I’m also these things. Competition. Futuristic. Achiever. Arranger. Consistency. Not exactly the sexy list you’d swipe right on, but these are the traits that have been steering me all along and they’re where I’m choosing to place my focus right now.
Competition means I can’t help but measure myself against… well, myself. (And okay, maybe a few people on LinkedIn.) Futuristic lets me squint past the fog and picture what could be, even when today feels like a rerun. Achiever is the voice that says, “Get up, show up, keep going,” even when I’d rather binge-watch other people’s achievements. Arranger is how I take a week that looks like spilled Legos and turn it into something that resembles a plan. And Consistency? That’s the quiet reminder that progress isn’t about big wins, it’s about stringing together small ones, day after day.
Now that the calendar says it’s officially Fall - and Libra season, the one that promises balance - I’m reminded that balance doesn’t mean perfection. For me, it’s dentist appointments and job interviews. It’s toddler gymnastics and existential dread. It’s ambition colliding with exhaustion and still finding a way to put one foot in front of the other.
So maybe midlife isn’t a crisis after all. Maybe it’s the moment you stop pretending you’re invincible and start riding with your eyes wide open.
And as I look ahead to 39, root canal complete, job search still in motion, toddler hand in mine, I ask myself: is this it? or is this just the start of finally becoming who I’m meant to be?
Fraction & Fiction
The weekly section where I will call out a fraction: something that felt like progress this week (like a fraction forward) and a fiction: something that turned out to be a distraction or illusion.
🎯 Fraction: Survivor just premiered Season 49. Twenty-five years later, it’s still outwitting, outplaying, and outlasting.. and somehow, so am I. Thank God for September and the start of a new TV season that actually delivers nostalgia worth keeping.
🎭 Fiction: It’s soup season… or is it? I made a hearty pot on Sunday night, only to wake up Monday to 80 degrees and regret. The calendar says fall, but my appetite still thinks it’s summer. Proof that even comfort food can get caught in the seasonal confusion.
🚨NEW🚨 File Under: Is This It?
A quick round-up of clips, headlines or stories, and cultural crumbs that made me pause and ask… is this it?
🎤 Bad Bunny Breaks Records
Amazon Music confirmed his residency finale set a new streaming record. Apparently, the only thing bigger than the stage was the Wi-Fi bill.
💍 Oura, Oh My
With an $11 billion valuation, the wellness ring company is officially a heavyweight. Proof that sometimes the smallest accessories carry the biggest price tags.
🖋️ RIP, Semicolon
The punctuation mark once beloved by overachievers is reportedly on life support. Somewhere, an English teacher just shed a single, perfectly placed tear.
🤪 Microshifting, Macro Buzz
A new wellness word is trending — small lifestyle tweaks for big results. Or as parents call it, “Tuesday.”
🍺 Cheers, Lesbians
Michelob Ultra just became America’s #1 beer, thanks in part to women who know what they like. Lesbian visibility, but make it light beer.
Finding Balance, Together
If this week’s Is This It? gave you even a moment of steadiness, pass it on. Share it with three people who are juggling their own midlife twists and turns and could use a reminder they’re not walking the beam alone.
Until next Friday,
Chris
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